I recall very clearly the day my other half during a conversation we were having told me quite succinctly that a quite a few others we know are just like us. I looked at her wryly and thought - wait a minute..... I took you by surprise, not entirely perhaps but my penchant for TTWD certainly has surprised those that have found out accidentally or otherwise. Its really not that obvious.
Now her Gaydar is excellent! We play this game GNG (Gay, Not Gay) when we're out. One of us will spot a person and ask the other GNG? Sometimes its obvious, other times its only an item of clothing or the way they do something that gives it away, and often a case of just instinct, you know - THAT vibe.
Well BDSM people are a bit like that too. Nothing overt. A swing of the bum, the shift of the backside side to side while sitting on a chair just a little too long to be comfortable after taking a hiding to remember. Even sometimes that one additional piercing, that second glance up at you - the look...
So when she told me that many others she knows also do TTWD, I wasnt sure she could be absolutely sure. After all would these others perhaps have suspected it about her? Now I'm the sub, I like it that way. I can switch if necessary and have done so mostly playfully. I absolutely love the feeling of my arse on fire. Two days after the beating has ended. It contributes to a constant state of arousal and if the top knows what they are doing, they do it well. But I digress..
Today I was handed my other halfs ipad and read a blog she follows. Yep she was right on the money. Not only do they do TTWD, but they do things differently and the same. It was so good to see that there are other people out there with professional reputations to protect that play the way we do.
And they know what we know. The sex is so much better, enhanced, totally all encompassing.... I never fail to orgasm after or indeed often during a really good thrashing. The release, the subspace unbelievable.
Now that my other half and I are self employed, we dont really care if people know what we do in the bedroom, except for the fact that its not the quietest of activities and sometimes it annoys the children. We go off to a bdsm club from time to time, and enjoy alternative clubbing. Being a teacher, lawyer or doctor engaging in this kind of fetish can often cause professional embarrassment if found out and the result is we have been surprised to discover that even the most outwardly respectable looking people that we know also engage in this fetish(as my other half and I discovered one night at Club Violate).
Of course establishing that her suspicions that some of these people that we know do indeed indulge in our fetish, were well founded, only came up as a result of careful conversation, starting with subtle innuendo and ending in, "dont be shy we like that sort of thing".
The vanilla of this world do not understand pain. Even the nature of pain. I have a lifelong painful condition and there is nothing sexually arousing about it at all. The process of being subjected to an agonising arse whipping that makes you cry while youre about to have an orgasm is totally different to the agony of not being able to walk because of a clinical condition.
For one the pain across the backside is controlled and severe. It is wanted and can be stopped (but I dont want it to be stopped - and in the past when I've stopped it too soon, Ive been disappointed). Secondly the inflicted pain involves trust. The love of my life could make my arse bleed, I'd still trust her, she reads me, she knows what I need from the session and can tell if its time to stop. The safe word usually only happens if I'm not in the right place emotionally, or theres a risk of the neighbours calling the police, or even worse one of my children have just waltzed through the front door, new friend in tow. I enjoy the power play, once having been a commissioned officer in the military, there is nothing like the relief of just submitting. I am an Alpha woman in many respects, but getting home and having to submit, really presses my buttons.
Clincial pain, I cannot control, it has no psychological advantages, does nothing for me emotionally and does not form part of a relationship.
The pain thing is not exclusive to gay people, it crosses all areas of sexual orientation and I wonder whether it could be as inherent to us as our sexuality. Yes born with it. My first sexual arousal from pain was while I was bent over getting the strap from a female teacher - my rear end was on fire, but my front end was decisively damp.
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