The journey to lesbian self discovery.

The mature self discovered lesbian is becoming more accepted and commonplace. Like many women that acknowledge their homosexuality in later life, I more than likely fit the mould. As a younger woman I wanted to be accepted, I wanted to have children and I did not want to draw attention to myself.

Acceptance is not as preceptive thing as many may imagine. As an orthodox Jewess, fitting into a community inconspicuously as a lesbian, just was not going to happen. So I fitted in as  Jewish wife and mother. I had children, I had a home and a husband. But my sex life was appalling and I didnt relate to either of my husbands as a close friend, confidante, but rather as a neccessary social appendage. This kept everyone happy, except me.

When I reached forty I realised that not only was I even socially incompatible with my husband, but I was emotionally and sexually frustrated. I had done so many other things in an attempt to compensate that I hadnt even realised what I was compensating for. One morning I was sitting in a coffee bar really admiring this subtley beautiful woman and it dawned on me that I would so have liked to get to know her better, with a view to ending up in bed.

All my high school crushes were on women and I loved my female friends very deeply. Throughout my adult life my sexual fantasies always involved women so deep down I really knew. I was even mistaken for a dyke several times, had propositions and had work colleagues that turned out to be surprised when they discovered that I was married.

FInally having met the right girl, at 40 I discovered that my life started to pan out in the way I had always imagined. We spend money on the same things, have similar intersts, a similar taste in books and music and yet are sufficiently different not to lose our own identity and sense of self.

I work hard so that I can grow old enjoying my life with the person that has become the pivotal axis of my life. My children love us both and know that we both parent them just as well as two heterosexual parents would.

I am so grateful for the fact that I live in a first world country, where my sexuality is not a crime and that I can in fact be myself and contribute within that comfort to the society in which I live.

This blog will cover everything that touches my life. Some topics will be directly lesbian related and others will jsut have to do with topics that touch everyone gay or otherwise.

Suggestions for discussion are most welcome.